Jared Allen, Riding On Favre’s Coattails [Satire]

Posted: 29th September 2009 by Ben Schmit in NFL
Comments Off on Jared Allen, Riding On Favre’s Coattails [Satire]
Repudiating an Tarkenton-esque existence of shameful embarrassment, Jared Allen today renounced his former bad attitude and finally acknowledged the fact that the Minnesota Vikings are, in fact, for real.

"I'm the angriest DE in the League. But I was, totally like, 'Favre has got to show himself.' Now I know, I have some catching-up to do," Allen said, after nearly breaking down in tears, following a berating by Twin Cities reporters, all of whom questioned the venerable psycho's almost complete lack of accumulated statistics, three weeks into the 2009 National Football League season.

"It's almost...the dude got a lucky sack," reported an unnamed third-year linebacker. "It's like Randy Moss, all over again. What a tool," Ben Leber did not say. Out loud.

Minnesota ...

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