Gary Bettman vs. Ron McLean: The Unedited Script [Satire]

Posted: 8th June 2010 by Robert Orzechowski in NHL
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Gary Bettman recently appeared on Hockey Night In Canada to be interviewed by the CBC’s Ron McLean.

What followed was a sometimes nasty exchange between the two mostly resulting in Bettman being defensive.

While the segment appeared to have ended, the cameras kept rolling as the two men continued to talk:


McLean:  So why do you think you are the most hated man in hockey?

Bettman:  I am not the most hated man in hockey.  Who says that? You?

McLean: Well, everybody does…

Bettman: Who is everybody?  You?

McLean: Yeah, well me and just about everyone out there…

Bettman:  Listen, Greg…

McLean:  Uh, I’m Ron

Bettman: Whatever, you know who you are.  I am not the most hated man in hockey.  I am more like JR Ewing.  People love to hate me.  That’s how I sell hockey.  That and keeping expansion teams away from Canada.

McLean: Okay, I’ll give you that one…

Bettman: You know what you’re problem is?  You are still acting like a ref.

McLean: Well that is what I did for a living and I do work with Don Cherry.

Bettman: Yeah, but you are supposed to come after me with tough questions and the moment it gets heated, you go, “Well, I’ll give you that one.” (mocking Ron McLean) Gad, I hate that about you Canucks.

McLean:  Yes, you got me there.

Bettman: There you go again.  Stop doing that!  Tell me where to go.  Tell me to f*** off!
McLean:  Okay well ….you …just ….frig off!
Bettman: Not “frig off”!  The word is f***.  You are too nice!
McLean:  Well perhaps you could take some pointers too.  For instance, you never look at the camera and you have your head up like you are about to drown.
Bettman:  Listen, that is my style.  I am American.  I managed the NBA and I always looked up to the players…literally.  You got a problem with that?
McLean: Fair enough…
Bettman:  Stop that….sweet Jesus of the Jews,  when are you going to learn?
McLean: So you are out to keep the NHL franchises from coming back to Canada?
Bettman (throwing his hands up in the air):  Now he distracts me with another question.  What are you, attention deficit?
McLean: Well our viewers want to know where you stand on this?
Bettman: All I am saying is follow the money trail. The money and future of professional hockey is in the states. 
McLean: You may be right about that…
Bettman:…God.  Are you hearing yourself?  I can’t take it anymore.  I cannot stand polite Canadians.  You are so sickly polite to deal with.  WE WANT RUTHLESS, MEAN, THROAT-CUTTING, SHREWD owners and that is not ANYONE I know in Canada.
McLean: Okay…
Bettman: Just shut it, pal.  The NHL will go to South America before it expands back in Canada.
McLean:  Gary Bitterman, Folks
Bettman:  That’s Bettman and you know that…

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