Author Archive

NFL Week 12: You Crapped The Bed

Posted: 30th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in MLB, NFL
This week on You Crap, we're brought to you by Japanese Toilets , the perfect gift for everyone on your Christmas shopping list who wants his bowel movements to be a baffling and expensive ordeal. Once you've dropped a bomb on one of these, you'll never want to commit a war crime on anything less! You all know how to play the game. Each week, we give you ...

Philadelphia EaglesùWashington Redskins Notes

Posted: 29th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
If you didn't know the standings of the teams coming into the game, you'd have thought that the Eagles were the team with the terrible record. An onside kick, going for it on fourth down twice in the first 12 minutes of game play, two QB draw plays with the backup...it didn't exactly scream out confidence in your personnel. Or that Cap'n Andy was expecting anything but a 60-minute ...

To Sign Allen Iverson or Not? That is the Question.

Posted: 29th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NBA
There’s a lot of hullabaloo on the Intertubes and locally about why the Sixers should sign the newly available Allen Iverson. So let's break it down. The Case For 1.) He'd fill some seats. The Sixers have the second lowest attendance in the NBA; only the utterly terrible Memphis Grizzlies draw fewer people. This doesn't mean that the town has soured on basketball, but you can't ...

Random Thanksgiving NFL Game Notes

Posted: 26th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
I didn't have complete attention to the second and third games on the day, as I was hosting in-laws and wrangling kids, but here goes. Cowboys RB Tashard Choice seems to have the 2008 Felix Jones role of looking good on limited carries. This means that he'll get too much hype as a breakout candidate in 2010 and under-deliver, but honestly, if I managed the Cowboys, you'd see a lot ...

Green Bay Packers-Detroit Lions Thanksgiving Game Notes

Posted: 26th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
Is it me, or was Detroit Fan never into this game, even when they had a lead and the Packers looked like they were going to sleep through this? I bow to your wisdom, Lion Fan. Of course, you did go to this game in the first place. In my judgment, there is no way that a black guy was ever involved, in any way, with the Jimmy Football ...

NFL Picks Week 12: Fixing the Best Holiday of the Year

Posted: 24th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
First things first: The older you get, the more you like Thanksgiving. That's true for a million reasons, not the least of which is: 1) Every year you can look around the table and not see an empty chair, that's a win. Not everyone gets that. Be thankful. 2) Any amount of family works. People you can't stand are coming over? They're probably bringing food, and will either ...

Week 10 NFL Picks: Going To the Enn Eff Hell

Posted: 11th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
Has it really been 666 years since the NFL Network launched? It only seems that way, folks. So it's that special time of year, when the days are getting shorter and the economic worry is getting long, where you've got a freshly unwelcomed race to close your picks column and fantasy league lineups. All for the sake of a Thursday night game that you won't get to watch, which is probably ...

Eagles-Cowboys Notes: The Ruling on the Field of Life Stands, Walt Coleman Sucks

Posted: 9th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
> I hate night games involving my laundry. Any infuriating outcome will sit with me like bad late night diner food and keep me up for hours. I'm not saying that I have nervous energy watching these games, but I did an astounding amount of busy work with my handsùwriting, folding laundry, clerical tasks, etc., etc. All to make sure I didn't absent-mindedly eat my way to obesity or paint ...

Top 12 Consolations for Phillies Fans

Posted: 4th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in MLB
12) Red Sox Fan will hear about this much more than you will 11) A-Rod got hit a lot 10) It's not like your laundry hasn't won recently 9) New York Fan is still bent over that Giants game 8) With any luck, you won't have to watch Brad Lidge ever again 7) It was getting kind of hard to never second-guess Charlie Manuel anyway ...

Week 9 NFL Picks: Pandemia

Posted: 4th November 2009 by DMtShooter Five Tool Tool in NFL
While prepping this column, I started to feel untoward, and wound up losing consciousness. This happens far too often, considering my general lack of sleep and advancing age, but this was a different story; this was Full Blown Unwell. And two days before a scheduled flu shot. Just unfair, really. It turns out to have been more along the lines of food poisoning than contagion, in that ...